KMHQ March 21,2121
"I have given reconciliation of my marriage a full year to work. I was getting some mixed signals from the wife. Some days she would seem to be really into me, other days she would act like I didn’t exist. She’s always had odd behavior, but it really started going into crazy territory the last couple of years. I always had suspicions about her behavior, but I never could bring myself to believe that she would ever cheat on me. Well, I can now say that I’m part of the club I never wanted to belong to. I have a cheating wife.
I got ahold of her phone. She didn’t change her password. Not sure why she wouldn’t, because all the evidence was there. I can see messages between them that go way back. At least a year. It’s hard to tell because I would have to scroll for days to get to the bottom of the list. They probably text each other 500 times a day every day. They send photos. They say “I love you”. It’s obvious from some of the messages that they have met in person and had sex. I know that it’s over. I’m not going to be one of those guys that holds on to a cheating wife when she obviously doesn’t want me and hasn’t wanted me as her husband/lover for years now.
The reason I’m reaching out to you is because I really don’t know what in the hell to do. We have two kids, 13 and 9 years old. They’re going to be destroyed by this. As a kid, how do you recover knowing that your mom screwed around on your dad? Everything I’ve done up to this point has been as husband and dad. Now I’m going to be a single guy who only sees his kids half the time (if I’m lucky).
I just don’t get any of this... I really don’t. Her behavior towards me while she was having an affair. Some days she would be completely in love with me… other days she didn’t even see me when I was in the same room with her. Why the mixed signals?
Thanks for all that you do. I’ll be sure and read through the all the articles on your site. It looks like I’m going to have to take this “starting over” thing to a new level.
Thanks for reading."
I'm so sorry that you're going through this, my friend. I'm not going to lie, you and the kids are going to go through emotional, mental and spiritual hell before it's officially over, especially if reconciliation doesn't work out, which from the sounds of it, it's likely not and is instead going to end in divorce court.
First I suggest you start researching divorce proceedings in your state as each are different. I wouldn't presume you will end up with visitations with the kids because beings she has cheated on you, the courts might just end up giving you the family home and physical custody of the children and her the visitation schedule, unless you decide to agree to otherwise!
Divorce, especially with children is very stressful as well as painful, especially on the children whose world will change and will have their hearts broken, but they will adapt in time so rest assured in at least that they are strong.
Yes, it will affect their image of their mom, as well as their vision for relationships moving forward in life but it has been beyond your control and you have done above and beyond what you've could, just to no avail b7 no fault of your own you've sincerely tried and that's all you could do for their sake. Infidelity and divorce take down everyone within immediate family but it's not your fault, it's Her burden to bare and have to answer to them sooner or later.
You are not alone, brother. So many men have been exactly in your shoes and not endured half as much as you have in effort of preserving the family home and home life. Many of them have come out of the situation a much better man. You may not believe it now, you may not believe it six months from now, but a lot of guys in your shoes (including myself) actually say, "I'm glad I went through all of that" when it's all said and said. Seriously. Life has a way of throwing curve balls at us, and some of those curve balls are pretty devastating. You still got to keep moving forward toward great things, and sometimes it takes a "holy shit" moment like this to wake you up to that fact.
Be an example for your kids. Show them how a man responds to hardship. Show them how an adult copes properly. Show them that in this world of chaos, they can rely on dad to be the oasis of normal. They're going to need you now more than ever.
As far as your wife's up and down behavior... that's par for the course. You can't fathom the crazy going on in your cheating wife's head right now, nor do you want to.
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